“Too Nice”: Avoiding the Traps of Exploitation and Manipulation
Whew, this. I have been led astray and manipulated a *LOT* in my now-middle-aged life. It can lead to all sorts of problems, including autistic burnout, it seems.
A thing that I think needs teasing out a bit — where he says “We lose ourselves in repetitive behaviour, we Hyperfocus, we Stim, we become different characters or act as animals, we script conversations, we withdraw, we hide in worlds inside our heads, we close ourselves off, or equally sometimes explode outwards”? That isn’t necessarily negative; if anything, that list of things can be a positive part of an autistic person’s life (stimming, hyperfocus, roleplay), or a form of self-defense or release (hiding, exploding), depending. I think I’m finding myself through an *unmasked* acceptance of these things, not being thrown further afield. I’m not advocating for decking someone or disappearing to the point of forgetting to eat though, just so that’s clear. (What that can mean rhetorically, as a form of communication or being, is another question.)
The High Cost of Self-Censoring (or why stimming is a good thing)
The Angry Aspie Explains It All
I’m not saying this to negate what he’s talking about, which is about coping mechanisms (including masking), though. This is probably why he immediately continues the above quote with “we Mask — all in an effort to endure this world we live in, to survive, to find balance with ourselves internally and externally and also, to hide who we we are — to make Non-Autistic people accept us, because we don’t find acceptance as ourselves. This is why we burn out.”
Having been through this sort of burnout multiple times in my life, I can confirm that it is not a picnic, at all, and whatever we can do to make space to unmask, to lessen the likelihood of not burning out, and for generalized self-care and self-love, is a good thing. (I recovered one time by sleeping for four days; I was barely able to talk, even with people I was close to. It was different than being just selectively mute, it was like “OK, all systems and communication protocols are glitching or failing.”)
That all said, I’m working on putting what he talks about to practice, because I’m getting close to it happening again, and wow, does it suck. Sheer mortal fear, do not want.
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