Category Archives: Gender

That Time I Got Jumped

TW: extreme violence, attempted murder, transphobia

I got jumped in high school. I could have died.

Me, once I broke free of the stranglehold: “Why did you do that?”

Him: “Because you’re different.”

Me: “Different? What kind of different?”

His friend, who watched the whole thing and did nothing: “Come on, let’s go. No, let’s *go*.”

They ran off.

Going back through it, “you’re different” wasn’t just over being trans (and starting to wear more femme clothing to school, and growing my hair out, in order to start trying to come out), or being mixed (although i got attacked for that as well, all the time), but because I didn’t pick up on the “…what are you doing” socially layered cues that were a sort of “danger: cease autism” warning against defying the norms, as well.

I now strongly suspect that not reading the warning cues (someone asked me “what’s this about”, and i didn’t get the “concerned, but oh well” tone and expression they had, at all), was what pushed things over the edge into my being attacked. Teenagers talk. What about? They didn’t tell me — I’m sure they assumed I’d figure it out on my own, or if not, that it was on me.

If I had known how to read the body language and facial expression of the person who tried to warn me, I’d have been like “oh shit, this is high school, and I’m…something they don’t like, obviously, they keep assaulting me, got it” and either closeted myself until I could get free, or figured out a means of resistance with my high school “beyond the outcasts” social cluster. ✊🏽 (Note: if I grew up when teaching “life skills” was more common, I doubt it would’ve helped much. My assumption is that doesn’t work for the same reasons that sex ed in the U.S. frequently doesn’t work, either. Labeling a curriculum a particular way doesn’t mean that it’s addressing the needs that the label infers.)

As it was, I was perplexed. I thought to myself, “Are you unhappy about the way i’m presenting? You don’t seem angry, so…well hunh, no idea. I guess you were just curious. Oh well.”

Shortly after that, I got jumped. I took the proficiency exam, split that gd place and never looked back. 💃🏽

The Allistic Gaze

TW: allistic violence, conformity, ABA, murder

I don’t know if anybody has written about this in these exact terms, but it’s fairly unmistakable — it happens when you don’t adhere to allistic social norms, in terms of eye contact, speech or social interaction. It’s the “wtf is wrong with you” look.

The worst version of it is someone institutionalizing an autistic person, committing acts of violence (including ABA) against them, or murdering them outright.

The more common versions are looking at you sideways, verbally questioning, correcting, or patronizing you, or jaw-dropping silence followed by deflecting/changing the topic/making a “joke” out of things.

It’s a form of compliance insistence. It’s triggering. It leads to us being rejected from work positions (or fired from them), failed relationships (with allistics), or in some cases, arrested, assaulted or worse.

I wish I could just say “come on, try harder” and have that be enough, but I see the same thing happen from white people towards people of color, men towards women, and against disabled people in general.

As always, we need to create our own media, and act collectively in our own self-interest. It’s up to us, not them. It should be better, but as with so many movement-level shifts in society (let alone liberatory and transformational ones) it’s not going to come through mere awareness. It’s up to us to make it happen.