I feel like there needs more ways for us to converse, write and talk about what our experiences are, relative to a given moment in time, that definitely is *not* about functioning labels, or otherwise requiring a complex set of descriptive markers. Autistic burnout, shutdowns, meltdowns and masking go a long way towards that, but it still feels like there’s things that aren’t described fully. Here’s a few that I’ve encountered:

– having a “pre-words” connection with another autistic person, either non-verbally or ✨ sparsely verbal/textual ✨
– that feeling of realizing that someone is more socially fluent than you are, but you’re both autistic
– getting stuck in a code-switching loop when someone is unmasked and you’re not
– getting stuck in a code-switching loop with someone who isn’t autistic where you keep trying to mask/script/compensate, and failing at it

I want to be able to tell someone when I’m having a hard time, when I’m doing fine *and* don’t get social cues at times, how I’m a hand flapping, emotionally volatile, ball of all the feels on a daily basis, and that’s just where I’m at — without using a pathologizing sub-label that is largely rejected by our community. Having to say “I don’t necessarily fit to rigid categories in either direction, but if I had to choose, I’m low-functioning leaning more than high-functioning leaning — oh and btw, I’m hyperempathic as fuck, and fairly alexithymic on top of it, so go easy on me, don’t armchair diagnose me as having bipolar disorder or BPD, and oh yeah, functioning labels are bullshit. ✨” is sort of awkward, at the very least.

Details and bloggy blog things:

“What’s wrong with functioning labels?” The problem with functioning labels is that they get into “Master’s Tools”-like territory, but in relation to disability, rather than race.

They also don’t tend to work. If anything, they reinforce NT passing dynamics — “I never would’ve guessed you’re autistic!” or “I’m definitely guessing that you’re depressed, not burned out!”

Functioning Labels, Again

This weeks topic for #TakeTheMaskOff is burnout. And burnout aint NO joke. Ever just have a whole semester of college disappear and end up failing out and not knowing how it happened? Meanwhile the ordinary world thinks you need antidepressants

— Chaos (@JoyChaos) August 17, 2018

“High functioning” as a form of gatekeeping means that people’s actual ways of being can get obscured, where they tend to be on the spectrum overall can get obscured as well (if someone masks heavily) or result in them being rejected out of some Autistic spaces (if they don’t). It’s residual from when Asperger’s syndrome was a diagnostic category, and still persists in things such as clinical levels within the autistic spectrum, and people using functioning labels period. There’s an “Oh, I pass so well, people think I’m NT” vs. “You don’t pass at all? Well, that explains why you’re weird :laugh track:” dynamic at times that troubles me. Anybody who has known me for more than a few weeks tends to figure out that I’m just good at memorizing scripts and adapting in familiar settings, which isn’t the same as being “high functioning” in relation to NT-driven social dynamics. (More like “fake it until you fail it“.)

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