cw: twitter, discourse, criticism, assault, violence, murder

i deleted my twitter account a while back, but i lurked the web page for this campaign. twitter gives me hives. too much competition for attention, too many people, too aggressively interactive, too overwhelming. arrgh, arrgh, arrgh, arrgh. say it, Deanna.

so there’s that. here’s a post about the start of the campaign.

i liked #takethemaskoff‘s focus on neurodiversity, and education about the harmful effects of masking.

i’m still figuring this out, so i could be wrong here on this point, but one of the things i was seeing seemed like the flip side of saying “being on the spectrum isn’t a disability”; people who have become so good at masking that they’re experiencing personal trauma because of years or decades of being masked all the time. which is a recipe for social burnout, and eventually, autistic burnout.

in my opinion, one of the more positive aspects of things like “take off the mask” is that people who fit more within the “white aspie” social paradigm are starting to open up more about being – oh the ever lasting shocking horror – disabled. that’s where our real collective power is as a community, because it’s the truth. that part of the campaign was important, it just got framed in a “coming out day” sort of way that doesn’t really work, and is sort of offensive.

having Asperger’s be the framework for inclusion and acceptance (when that was possible, which definitely wasn’t, and isn’t, common, because of discrimination against us, no matter where we are on the spectrum) meant that it emphasized “high functioning” as a social paradigm. which is a very shaky foundation, because it’s not representative of anything, and because it can cover up that people are masking to “fit in”, and at a high personal cost. as an autistic person, i’m disabled, and i don’t fit in. i definitely don’t fit into tech culture (or office culture in general), i fare better in subcultures, but that’s because those spaces have a wider tolerance range for being “weird”, while still being ableist, sexist, racist, frequently classist as well. i have more in common with people who have difficulties fitting into society, who have long-term support needs, than someone like Temple Grandin or John Elder Robinson. (also, they didn’t “fit in”, either. they just become famous and successful. shrugs.)

unmasking as an individually practiced political strategy has its problems though.

i worry that this’ll come off as too critical, but here goes. i’ll all for people taking the risk to stim in public if they feel they can risk it — but as a trend? for everybody? absolutely not. i’m not sure that’s a guaranteed safe zone for any of us — in fact, i’m sure it’s not — but it’s definitely not that if you’re autistic and black. i think if you’ve been conditioned to suppress who you are — which a lot of us have — there’s a reclaiming process that is healthy, but starting an ad-hoc civil disobedience campaign around unmasking that prioritizes white autistics isn’t the same thing. it’s not safe to be encouraging this in this particular way for any of us, frankly, and the more at-risk someone is, the less viable (and more potentially harmful) it becomes. framing things in such a way that people are encouraged to choose between being closeted or risking getting shot, and in turn, stimming publicly or otherwise being visibly Autistic, with no plan, no precautions and no risk assessments, is not a good idea. good intentions don’t matter if someone else winds up dead from stimming in public. it’s the equivalent of street protests where nobody masks up and everybody is white, when it’s known that the cops are likely to go wild on people.

for the record, my brown, trans, autistic ass is terrified at the prospect of being pulled over by the cops, and your autistic ass (no matter what race you are) should be as well. i may – or may not – be at less risk of getting shot, but that’s not much of a consolation, when the second and third place prizes are being beaten or arrested. also, idgaf, but that’s definitely not much of a consolation at all. if anything, i’m not sure i trust that part of myself, depending on the situation. (i *really* do not like cops, for starters.)

that all said, being the fool that i am, when take off the mask started, i came up with a plan, and carefully tried out unmasking (as in, visibly stimming) in public.

speaking only for myself, here are my conclusions:

• i was constantly afraid of getting stopped or harassed, including on side streets;
• while it’s a nice feeling to stim in public, it’s also the sort of nice feeling that has a mind of its own, because i’m stimming. it’s not like i can necessarily say “i’ll just spin my hand on the side that’s not facing the street and hope for the best”, it depends on if i can suppress or “tone down” one hand while spinning the other (if i’m stimming with both hands). also, i encountered a few situations where my strong impulse was to start flapping my hands and arms as well, which ups the risk factor;
• i already look somewhat “weird”, stand out for a number of reasons and already do visible things to be able to survive sensory overload, which is its own risk. i can mask that, but it messes me up. shrugs.
• in terms of empowerment, i’m gaining a lot more from things that have nothing to do with being in public anyway, like sensory diet. i definitely don’t want to wind up punching a cop because my neurology spikes, i can’t suppress it in time, and a flailing arm results in me being critically injured or dead;
• not all white people™ on the campaign were like this, but there were white people who said things along the lines of “i’m autistic and i’m in public! selfie time!” posts photo of themselves in public. i thought to myself “this is not gonna end well if this keeps up” because where else is left for that sort of thing to go, other than stimming in public in the most foolish way possible while white and having someone bail them out of jail, at best, or saying “woo hoo, coast is clear, i stemmed in public and everything was great!” on twitter. so then, even more foolish white people do even more foolish things, and it becomes like the time when fidget spinners were a craze, but with unfortunate outcomes, like injury or death.

conclusion: wtf? i’m not sure what the goal was here for this part of the campaign, other than “be visibly autistic”. a huge part of the problem is that we can’t do that, without risking being harassed or worse, and the more at-risk someone is (like if they’re black or brown), the greater the potential for being harmed. it’s like being visibly lesbian, gay or trans, in the most queer way possible. depending on where you live and how you’re read, it can either be a positive way of increasing visibility and acceptance, or a way for things to go completely wrong. knowing the difference is where shared community knowledge comes in, and that appears to not have been considered in this case.

i hope it is clear that my concern here is that more of us don’t wind up injured, imprisoned or dead, rather than being against us ending masking when it’s more harmful than helpful. there’s a difference though between rejecting forms of masking that do nothing but harm, and deciding to mask out of personal safety or sometimes, as a form of compensating in order to meet personal needs or goals. figuring out those differences and what they mean for us is part of community dialogue and growing together, in the hopes of creating spaces where we can safely live and express ourselves, in any number of ways. that’s going to take more work than a single campaign, and needs to be accomplished with safety for all people on the spectrum in mind.

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